Eternal questions
by jememj
Summary: Renesmee asked about these eternal common questions that are popping in your head during teenage time. Thanks to Esme she is going to go through it without hurting too much! Will be complete with 7 chapter! Read&Review please!
1. Why?

I just wrote this story because I have a friend who is going through a hard time and seemed to have lost all hope in life. Just wanted to say to everyone that even when you're thinking that there is no more hope, the unexpected is what makes our life so interesting sometime! Keep in mind that a better day is coming sooner than you think ;-)

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not even one of the characters, nothing at all!

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I was standing on the verge of the fall thinking about my life. I was feeling lost, alone, nothing seemed to have taste anymore and I couldn't see myself going through life without my baby boy. I just have enough time to contemplate how much beautiful and perfect he was, head to toes. The only question which was going on again and again in my head was why. I couldn't take it anymore and I screamed to God, to myself, to anyone who could answer and to nobody in particular:

"Why? Why me? Why now? Why him?"

Why? Why? So many why but still no answer….

So let's me present myself to you: My name is Esme and I am ready to end my life now! Why? That's the only question to which I can answer.

Looking back to my life I cannot see any escape, any hope, and any reason for me to continue on with what I have. I mean, I did have a wonderful childhood but entering into adulthood was the beginning of my personal hell. My own demon has a name, a name that I shared with him by marriage. This contract has given me more that I have asked for… I added in my head sarcastically. The very term of it was 'until one of us died' and I was more than eager to complete my vows. And here was the end of it, of everything.

I had so much anger and pain in me that I continued to scream until I couldn't hear myself anymore. My heart was hurting, my voice was gone, my self – esteem was buried and with them I have lost myself.

I remembered how I used to be back then…

Without being a canon of beauty, I knew that I wasn't an ugly wench too… My father used to call me his perfect magnolia. He has always been able to see the best in me and everyone. He allowed me to develop this ability to see the best in other and I was thankful to him for that. When I met Charles, I thought that I had found the perfect match for me. I had finally discovered the last man on earth who was like they were in my father's time: a true gentleman.

Little did I know that I was going to seal my destiny with a man without any moral values. Little did I know that I would be the very one to received fist, feet or any object which was susceptible to be found on his path in a powerfully wicked way, that will let me on the floor, bleeding, crying and asking if I really deserved it. I, one day, didn't ask myself anymore if I deserved it but what have I done to deserve it? I was back to the 'why?'

And then, one day, after being once again beaten and raped, I have rushed to the bathroom to through up. Few days later, I had received a wonderful new, after all those years of hope; my own personal miracle was there in my belly. I was pregnant.

There were the last moments of my miserable life. I have someone to fight for, to love. He wasn't even bigger than a nail but he had given me more than anyone has offered me in all my life: a reason to be stronger, indestructible.

I had left Charles and his surrounding without even a glance back and I have looked straight into my future. I have imagined it with a multitude of joy, laugh, love and faith.

I breathed deeply, smelling the scent of the fresh grass, listening to the noise of the leaves and feeling for the last time, this ache that holds my entire body on his grasp.

I thought about my baby boy and I promised him that I was coming to join him right now and I took my last human step. It leads me to a place full a pain, wondering why hell was waiting for me. Didn't I have the chance to see even for a second the face of my baby? When I realized that putting an end of my life was against all that I have believe in, the pain disappeared.

I opened my eyes and in front of me was a wonderfully gorgeous man with the loveliest eyes I have ever seen. The only eyes which have bore so much care for me this last years. I was lost. Was I in hell or in heaven to have in front of me the only one that could possibly give me one reason to keep on?

"Esme, your life has taken a non return path. I'm truly sorry to be the one to constraint you into this life but I just couldn't let this happened to you" Carlisle said.

This was just the beginning of his long explanations about what I was now and what kind of life he was given me the choice to chose. And there was my answer, the hope I was waiting for…

"So you see Renesmee" I concluded my story, "even when it seemed that there is no lighter, don't give up. What doesn't kill you make you stronger. Just keep that in mind and take one day after another. That is sometime the only thing that you can do" I finished by kissing her sweetly on the cheek. I took her face in my hand and stare into her beautiful, warm brown eyes and said "especially when the one you're desperate on, is someone who truly cares about you! Give Jacob some credit; he will came around" I promised her with certainty in my voice." Never lose your hope or your faith in a better day or anything you believe in."

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Reviews are welcomed.


	2. How?

New ideas about 'eternal questions' came to my mind so I choose to give it a try! Hope you will enjoy it! Reviews are most welcomed! Thanks to all the readers and a special thanks to Slowly. Getting . Cullenized! Enjoys!

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**Chapter 2: How?**

I was cooking Renesmee favorite lasagna with steak and running French cheese when my granddaughter came in the kitchen. She kissed me and went to sit on a chair deep in her thought.

"Is everything alright dear?" I asked her, surprised that she didn't have begun to tell me her days' adventures.

"Just thinking about fate!" she declared seriously.

I smiled, realizing that Renesmee was now fourteen years old in appearance. I wondered how she had come to that point in so few time. She was so unique for our family, irreplaceable. I put my plat in the oven for the cheese of the top to gain some colors.

"How did you know that you were in love with grandpa?" she suddenly asked.

"I always knew!" I answered her. "My heart had always belonged to him." I explained.

"How is that?"

"I met Carlisle when I was sixteen. I had hurt myself and he was there to help me heal."

"How long has it been before you realized that you love him?"

"As soon as our eyes connected" I confessed to her.

"Isn't it too fast? How is that possible?" she said, frowning her eyebrows.

"When you find your soul mate you don't need much time to just know that he is the one?"

"But why did you marry Charles?"She enquired, lost written all over her face.

"I was young and Carlisle was far more aged that me. I was sure that I had just a crush on him. Time flew and I was still thinking about him but he was gone. Live had to continue and I truly thought that I could have some happiness with Charles" I told her, reliving my souvenirs.

"But when you met again Carlisle, how long did he take for you to fall in love all over again?

"Love is not hard to get dear; the difficulty is to keep it. The love I felt then for him has nothing to do with what I feel for him now. I think that my feeling just keep on growing every day. Each day bring me the assurance that I will never find someone better than Carlisle and every day I'm thankful to the universe for giving him tome, to allow him to feel exactly the same for me and to have given him the strength to save me and give me this amazing family."

"I still don't get how you _knew_ that you loved him? Was it like a revelation? Did you dream of him? Were you missing him much? Could you be far from him without hurting?" Renesmee asked eagerly.

"A mix of what you just described! Do you have something bothering you dear?"I asked her. I had remarked the change in Renesmee' eyes when she was looking at Jacob. I wanted her to be frank with me and herself about all these questions. I knew also that I had to give her the time to analyze her own feeling. So I just kissed her temple and concluded by saying:

"Don't worry! When you will feel love, you will know it! You will be able to describe all those fear that are related to it like you just did" I half laughed.

Renesmee blushed furiously but added nothing. She opened her backpack, took her homework and studied, letting me wondered about what would be her next new question in her quest of the understanding of this powerful link that was imprinting.


	3. Am I not a real woman?

**DISLAIMER: I own nothing..at all...just my crazy plot! SO now that this is clear please enjoy and review!  
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Chapter 3: Am I not a real woman?**

I was under the porch reading some decoration magazine when Renesmee came home in a rush. Without saying hello to any of us, she flew directly into her room. We head her cry softly, but to my surprise Edward came to me.

"Do you know what happened?" I asked him but the frown on his face told me that he was confused.

"She just kept repeating in her head over and over again 'I'm not a real woman!'" He explained to me.

"Couldn't you see more about what cause her this awkwardness?" I inquired.

"She is so deep in her melancholy that it is difficult to understand what has been going on…I wish Bella was there and not hunting with the girls." he whispered.

"I could maybe try" I proposed, and looking at him I saw relief invading his feature. I brushed my hand against his arm, allowing him to know that it wasn't always easy to be a father. He hardly smiled but I knew that he felt supported. I began to go upstairs and knocked on Renesmee' door. At first, there were no answers, only the muffed sound of someone sobbing.

"Can I come in sweetheart?" I asked her kindly.

"Nana?" she chocked, having difficulty breathing and crying so violently at the same time.

"Yes darling!" I replied. She didn't invite me to enter, but at the same time she didn't express concern about me entering neither. So, I took my chance and open the door ajar. I looked inside and she was in a ball on her bed, her nose running and her eyes puffy and red. "Oh darling" I sympathized "what is going on with you?"

"Nana! I'm so ashamed, so ashamed." She cried in my chest. "If only you know!"

"Calm down!" I advised her, "and tell me more about what has provoked this commotion" I urged her.

She was so much overwhelmed that she needed a few minutes before being able to speak.

"I was at school and we were talking about boys you know, and Jessie …she was just so mean…she said…she said…" and then she cried again.

"Breathe deeply Renesmee, you have to breath! Don't be like your mother" I joked trying to ease a bit the mood.

I heard Edward laughed and then he growled. He might not be liking whatever Renesmee was remembering herself. I knew that teenage girls could be mean and hurtful when they were feeling down or jealous. Renesmee being beautiful and easy going, it was no surprise for me that that Jessie was keeping on bullying her since she had entered her group. Her 'specie' was the worst I think, because she was the kind of girl who was acting like she was your friend when her only goal was to secretly destroy you!

"What had she said to put you in this state" I asked straightforward.

"She said that I was desperate and perverted, that I was only hanging out with Jacob because I was hoping that he will see me like a woman." she told me with hesitation. Her voice became so light that I wouldn't have been able to hear without my vampire hearing.

"She said that I was hoping in vain, that Jacob will never see me like a real woman because I'm not and she said that he will be better if I give him more space. She added that I was eating him alive!"

"What a mean girl!" I exclaimed myself, being revolted by the unfounded world that she had said to my granddaughter.

"I'm the skinniest one and I still don't have a lot of breast compared to the girls. I think that she is right for everything but I can assure you that I don't want him to be sad!"

"I know that sweetheart, I know! She doesn't know anything about your relationship with Jacob and she has no right to judge it! You have to be confident in yourself! Being a woman has nothing to do with the chest size thanks goodness!" I smiled.

"But boys like that!"

"Some does, others have other taste but in anyway the man who will fall in love with you will accept you as you are." I comforted her.

She didn't say anything more but just kept hugging me with all her strength. I waited for her to calm down and soon her cardiac rhythm was back to normal but not slow enough for her to be sleeping. I was going to stand up and let her rest when she spoke.

"I do want Jacob to notice me." She whispered softly. I heard Edward growl, seeing his worst fear coming to life. His baby girl was definitely growing into a woman with her own emotions and attractions toward the other sex. We were hoping that she was going to have at least a flirt with a boy of her age before going to share the imprinting link but it seemed like the bond was stronger that what we have thought.

"Why does he only see me like his best friend and not more? I tried a lot Nana! One day when daddy and mum were hunting, I put a really short dress on me. I had bought it on Internet with Samantha. She has even come at home to help me with the makeup." She confessed guiltily. She didn't have the time to say more than her bedroom door was being open forcefully by a furious Edward.

"What did you do young lady" he asked her coldly. "Is that the way you keep on building the trust relationship that we have began with your mum?" he screamed.

"Edward pleases! This conversation was between Renesmee and me and even if she did lie to you, I would like you to at least hear her story until the end! Control yourself!" I added noticing that his daughter was truly afraid of him for the first time. He must have sense it too because his eyebrow return to their original place.

"What happened next?" Edward asked.

"He rejected me of course!" she whimpered.

"Can you be more explicit dear? So here you invited him to come and …" I pushed her to say more.

"When he saw me in this dress, accessories and make up, he laughed." She said with indignation in her voice. Edward chuckled and I send him a cautious glare.

"I was furious against him for not being able to appreciate my effort and I let him know it. That is when he realized that I wanted him to see me differently, I guessed." She continued on. "He wasn't happy about it. He said that he preferred me natural and that it was stupid for teenage girl to always act like this and to prepare some act for the guy the like. He said that it is always better to be honest with your partner and that until I get that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship."

"What did you answer?" I demanded knowing full to well my granddaughter and her fired temper sometime.

"I said that if he didn't like my way of thinking I sure knew some who will!" she cried. "He said that I was free to do whatever I wanted to and he left."

"That's my boys!" Edward said low enough for Renesmee to not hear him.

"Jessie is right! He will never want me. He surely thinks now that I'm an easy girl who hunt guy for her own pleasure like the cougars!"

"The what?" I asked surprised.

"I read that in cosmopolitan recently. It is about woman who have a developed and harmonious sexual life even after 40 years old and who do like to have intercourse or more with younger boys" she told me. I was always surprised about what this generation was ready and talking freely about. Edward like me was a bit shocked but I didn't know why he laughed.

"What is so funny?" Nessie asked, tears in her eyes, looking profoundly offended by his reaction. "I'm going to live a long and lonely life foe eternity and all you can do to empathize with me is to laugh?"

I needed to calm the game but Edward shook in head, letting me know that he didn't want me to say anything.

"I find you story hilarious because since an entire month, every time Jacob will come he would describe every piece of a car in his head. I was afraid that he was keeping something important from me. I have never imagined that he was just ashamed of you!" Ed says.

Boys really don't know what to say and when to say it I decided because his exclamations just sent Nessie crying harder that when she came home.

"It's my fault! If I had known that I wasn't worthy of him, I would have never…" she wailed, depressed.

"That is not what I wanted to say baby girl! You're the most amazing 15 years old girl that I do know and when the time will come, Jacob will be more than honored to share a part of his life with you but until then you have to be comprehensive and to not force him into some seducing episode which will only contribute to destroy the lovely link that is yours." Ed advised her.

"If I apologize, do you think that we will be friend like before without him always being 8 inches far from me? It hurts when he is like that. Since then I felt dirty like if I'm…"Nessie said but was interrupted by me.

"Shut! Don't say more. I am sure that he is as much lost and hurting as you are. Give both of you some time and apologize in fact and everything will go smoothly again. I can assure you of that." I promised her.

I kissed her on her forehead and let her with her father. If only I had knew that this was only the first of a long list of questions about the interaction about her and Jacob…

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SO how you guy did you like this new encounter between Esme and her granddaughter? I decided to put Edward in here for fun. SO hit the review button and give me your opinion about everything…. I'm going to think about the next chapie so stay on alerts!


	4. What is this ache?

Chapter 4: What is this ache?

Today was Jacob' birthday and for the occasion all the family has put their effort together in order to organize an amazing birthday' surprise party. Renesmee was the most implicated in the process and she kept changing her mind at the last minute about everything to finally go back to the first idea. Do I need to precise that those ideas were coming from Alice?

For the occasion Renesmee has bought a long baby blue dress, sleeveless and knee length. She has driven Rosalie crazy on her physical appearance. Everyone has to be on their best but it has to be as simple as possible. After her failure on seducing Jacob, my granddaughter was very cautious about her choice of clothes around him. She was like walking on egg's shelters on her toes.

We were all gathered in our dining room with the Quileute' family and friends of Jacob, waiting for him to come inside. He was talking on the phone with a girl named "Keyla" and was having a great time with her judging by all the laughing and squealing that we were able to hear. Nessie was standing next to Edward and Bella and she was having a hard time listening. She was squeezing her mother's hand while her dad was softly whispering nothings to her ears. He hang on and murmured something about calling but none being home and entered with his personal keys. I knew that our scent must have given us out so we all cried 'Happy birthday' before he had the time to comprehend everything.

We all run to hug him and wished him the best but Nessie. She stay in a corner of the room and just stared at us. I saw Jacob looking for her and when he found her a big smile enlighten his face and the tension left his shoulders. After all the greeting, he smile cockily and moved toward Renesmee. He gave her a bear hug which left her breathless.

"Nessie, you're breath taking" he declared, his eyes roaming all her body. I saw her blushing furiously.

"You're handsome today!" she shyly answered him.

"I have to admit that we're the most beautiful and fashionable couple, aren't we?" he asked.

"Y..Yes, we are."

I saw her getting closer and closer form him during all the night and they did share a great time. Near 3 am, everyone left and Nessie and Jacob stayed a bit on the coach talking animatedly for hours. Then came the time for Jacob to leave and Nessie went to her room to prepare herself for the night. I have remarked that she was flushed during all the night but I guessed that she was hot. Having all those werewolves around I knew that the temperature was quite high in the room even if we had opened all the windows. What surprised me however was to see her came back in the dining room where Carlisle and I were cuddling. She was still flushed and kind of awkward. All our children have gone hunting and have let Nessie under our supervision.

"Can I bother you?" she asked us, looking at the ground and playing nervously with her hands.

"Of course dear" I said, making some place between Carlisle and I.

She sat down carefully and thanked us.

"Jacob was really ecstatic about all the gifts that he received tonight. He said that he never had so much fun for one of his birthday since his mum died. " she said with a smile spread all over her face. "I thought that it was perfect to have everyone gathered here. It is rare for me to have all my family with me and I appreciated everyone doing his best to offer him this opportunity." She kept talking without stopping during thirty minutes without giving us the time to answer.

"Is there something wrong Renesmee?" Carlisle asked. Nessie blushed more and her heart stopped before going wild again.

"No, nothing is wrong at all"

"Do you want me to let you alone with your Nana maybe?" Carlisle insisted.

Renesmee seemed to think hardly about it but finally shook her head right to left.

"I think that I might be sick" she said.

"Why do you think so?" her grandpa asked her.

"Sometime I have some difficulty breathing and my heart will go crazy. Then I get dizzy and I hear nothing at all for some minute. And there is the ache that stayed for hour." She said with anguish.

"Since when did you remarked this abnormality?" Carlisle asked already on doctor' mode, taking her pulse and checking everything.

"Where does it hurt you?"

"My heart and sometime it spread. Is that bad?" she panicked.

"You look fine for me. I checked you this week and all your constant were Ok. Your temperature and heartbeat are a bit high but nothing else seemed wrong."

"When does it happen?" I asked her, having an idea about her problems.

"It depends. Most of the time" she said quickly "it is when I see Jacob but some other time it is when I think about him or our future."

"That is normal Ness! What your body is experiencing is desire." I explained to her.

"Desire, For Jacob?" she repeated, with a frown on her face.

"Indeed and it is absolutely healthy for a girl of sixteen to experiment this..uhm..ache when in contact with the opposite sex for the first time during their teenage years." Carlisle blurred slightly ill at ease to have this discussion with her.

"How can you treat it grandpa?" she asked with fear in her eyes.

"You don't treat it Nessie. It is normal to feel desire for a woman toward a man she has feeling for!" He tried to explain but Renesmee stood up and began to pace forth and back, shaking her head furiously.

"You don't understand. That reaction has to go away! I don't want to feel like this. I' m ready to take whatever you think will make it disappeared totally."

"Why is it so important ?" I asked her.

"I don't like to feel like that, like I'm the slave of my emotions. I have to be in control if… Please grandpa, you have to help me."

I feared that she was going to go directly into a panic attack so I took her in my arms and rocked her like a baby.

Carlisle looked at me, clearly lost in understanding her. He must have felt that it was a girl problem because he kissed me lovingly on my lips and kissed the cheek of Nessie and then went to our room.

"Why don't you show me what is truly the problem honey?"

She connected her hand with my face and sent me a mix of images and emotions.

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Any thought?recommendations? Like?Dislike?In every case, just hit the review bottom and share your opinion with me


	5. When will he really see me?

Long time since I update!Is there still someone reading it I asked myself sometime!However I have so much fun writing that I will continue!Hope that some will like it! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 5: When will he really see me?**

Jacob point of view.

I am officially 25 years old. _And I'm still a virgin, _my mind ironically reminded me. I have had lately some difficulties with that reality. I couldn't fell more pathetic than now.

First of all because I had to share almost every day the mind of sexually active horn dogs that were my friends of the pack, and secondly because I have taken into consideration the amazingly beautiful and new curves that Renesmee had acquired. My baby girl had once turned into an amazingly curious and excited young lady, but _this_ transformation into a teenager close to woman had left me speechless.

I was both disappointed and excited about that. Disappointed that she had grown up so quickly, but excited about the next step that was coming for our relationship. I was aware that having the choice, she could decide to bond her life with someone else, but I refused to even consider this option.

I am not over confident. It is more that she has never shown any interest in anyone than me. As a young girl, she had imitated each of my action and sometime with some mischievous ideas. I still remembered the first time she has eaten hot dogs with me and my pack at a bonfire. She had just taken a bite of it when she had thrown it away with force. Her reaction has sent Claire rolling on the floor laughing and she had tried all night to spill further than Nessie in vain. I hadn't really thought about it and had just put hot dog as 'another human meal that she didn't like' on my list.

I had driven her back home and she has asked for some blood. Bella has run to the fridge and put away a bottle of fresh blood. She drank it like she hadn't eaten during all night. She began to tell them everything, about how wonderful everyone was with her and, how much she had enjoyed herself. What amazed and surprised me, was when she cheerfully said that she had a new favorite meal: hot dogs. My eyes got big.

"You like hot dog?" I asked her, being unsure about what I had just heard.

"Yes" she simply answered.

"Then why did you split it out and didn't take another one?" I questioned her, trying to understand.

"Because you loved it! Silly boy!" she said exasperated, like it should have been an evidence for me.

"Do you plan to eat everything Jacob like?" Bella pressed her.

"Of course mommy. I want to share everything with him like you and daddy." She reasoned, before coming to give me a good night kiss and going to her dad in order for him to pick her up and put her to bed.

That was the first day that I truly felt the force of our bond, coming from her side. Even now six years later, she still tried at least to eat one hot dog when we were eating together. She needs to drink plenty of blood or soda for it to cover the taste, but she refused to just admit that she doesn't like it.

This anecdote is just one of many. I think that it has balanced the fact that I always wanted what she wanted too. We are truly completing each other.

That is why it is so difficult for me to resist the calling of her body for mine since a few days. For the first time since my imprinting on her, I have to resist her and to not appease her wish. I know for sure that if her body is ready for us to take it on a higher level, she is still struggling with what is happening inside her.

It drove me crazy. In order to control myself as such as possible I will have to keep myself busy and to be if possible far from my goddess. It was as if my body has awoken again, my hormones were going frankly uncontrollable, as the body of a teenage of 17 years old should be.

"Thanks gosh, you're still virgin because you would have just jumped anyone bones right now" Embry kidded me; I heard him and Quil laughing their head off as if they were funny and I decided to changed back, tired of their stupidity.

I dressed up and decided to go see Kayla, a new friend of mine. The girl could challenge Blondie alias Rosalie on the knowledge of cars. Talking with her would take my mind out of this new challenge that I was confronting to.

Renesmee' point of view.

One week has gone since the birthday of Jacob and I have seen him less than one hour, even if I summed the time we had spent every day together. It was as if he was running away from me. It has pained me very much to not be able to be close with him and without thinking about it, I had lost 10 pounds. I haven't been attracted to any food and I was slightly nauseous all the time. To shake me out of my state, my grandma has offered to go shopping with me. It has brightened my mind. I have inherited my fashion sense from both of my aunts, but I have never shopped only with grandma. I was feeling proud of the fact that she has chosen me to shop with.

After two hours of evaluation of dresses for grandpa awards that the hospital was going to discern him, I got thirsty so we took the direction of the third floor of the mall where were the entire restaurant and my future beverage. I ordered a huge glass of mango and passion fruit smoothie that I began to gulp down with the speed of light. I was humming to myself while grandma was talking with grandpa. I guessed when I saw the light frown on her face that he was going to spend more time at work as usual. Sometimes I was glad that they were vampires because I guessed that it would have been difficult for them to find time to share together. I knew that they loved each other deeply and I compared that feeling with my need of Jacob. I missed him very much and I hoped that I would one day be his favorite person in the entire world as grandma was for grandpa.

Lost into my thought, I hadn't seen when that magnificent girl had come from. I was sitting next to the windows and I could see the terrace of a coffee shop in the entrance of the mall. She was dressed up perfectly and her body looked like the body I had always wanted mine to be. Generous breast, a thin waist and incredibly long legs. She was at least 6 feet tall, I guessed. Her skin was tanned but not like my Jacob. She looked like someone who needs just 10 minutes under the sun to have a perfect brown and soft tan. She had light eyes, blue or green, I couldn't be sure for where I was and her lips were full. Her black hairs were waist long and wavy. She had gathered them in a high pony tails which put her long and sculptured face advantageously. She looked to feel hot too like me and she was trying to create some fresh air by moving a news paper in front of her face.

I wished that I was taller, and skinnier. I wish that I had bigger 'boops'. Grandma ended her conversation and asked me if I wanted to shop more. I was a bit tired and I still had some homework to finish so we decided to go straight home after I have finished my drink. We discussed about the next family trip that we were going to have to Alaska in one month and soon enough it was time to go back.

As we were looking for our car, I saw that girl again. She was talking with a tall guy as tall as the Quileute one and as dark as them. They were having quite a good time. They were like a couple of models, both tall, her slightly shorter than him. He was buff build, she was skinny. He was dark skin; she was just what that needs to be tanned. They were perfect for each other.

I jumped in our car and I wondered how Jacob and I were looking when we were together. I signed, resigned that we wouldn't be looking as good as that pair. Grandma started the engine and we headed toward the exit.

I didn't know why I had looked back to the couple, maybe I was envious, maybe I have felt something, maybe I had known deep inside that they were more than what my eyes has just seen. Whatever the reason was, when my eyes met the face of the guy, my heart stopped and soared. It was Jacob! My Jacob! _He_ was smiling to this perfect girl, finding time to spend with _her,_ while _I_ was left on the side way of the road, hoping for _a bit_ of his time, wishing for a smile or even for a simple movie time together.

Tears rose to my eyes. I was beaten. I couldn't fight against such rival. My new high spirit perished in a matter of seconds and I was back to depressed land again with this time a bonus, the feeling that I was unworthy of Jacob.

The trip back home was silent as I feign to sleep. I was too afraid of broking into tears.

Esme point of view.

Since I shared Renesmee mix of emotions and images, I finally got a précised idea of how lost she was to her own emotions. Her mind was mature enough for many subject but she was left insecure and lost when confronting to her emotions. There were a real gap between her body's reaction and her mind. She wanted to be more and more close to Jacob and at the same time she was fighting that change because her emotions were so intense that it was frightening her.

I have seen her get worse and worse and Jacob thinking that it was his fault has taken some distance from her to give her some space. It has just worsened the situation by strengthening the need that she felt for him. It was as if she was truly addicted to him. Being away from him too long sent her in an empty zone where I lost my energizing granddaughter.

So we have gone shopping and I had really thought that she was getting better. As we were on our way back home, I felt her going deeper into her depression. She was looking out and her shoulders were so tense that I felt that she wasn't ready to open up to me right now. As we arrived, Edward was waiting for us on the threshold. He must have heard his daughter depressed ideas which might explain why he was so serious. Renesmee run into his open arms and they hugged fiercely. She sobbed until she was tired enough to fell asleep on her daddy' laps. Edward was now the one lost in his thoughts. He began talking to me when he heard that I felt powerless to help our Nessie.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I was sure that keeping that stage they were into as long as possible a good idea but it looks like I have to accept that she is growing up." He confessed. I knew how much that was difficult for him because he had never dreamed to have this chance and there, she had grown up so fast that we haven't really have the time to enjoy it or even realize it.

"I can't follow her anymore" I said to him. "She is going from an extreme to another in a matter of minutes and sometimes even seconds. Jacob has to talk to her and to clear this atmosphere."

"I think so too but I'm not so sure that he is really ready for them to be close."

"He isn't or you aren't?" I asked him.

"Both of us aren't ready but on the other hand I will have to shut myself up because the imprinting is becoming so strong that being between them will just hurt them both. I can't watch her hurt herself like that. The worst part of it is that asking him to control his passion drove him right into Kayla arms if I may say."

I was lost.

"Has Jacob cheated on Renesmee?" I asked even if I was sure that it wasn't possible. But at the same time, I reminded myself of the night of his birthday when he has seemed to be in osmosis with that girl. She was older than Renesmee and surely woman enough to be easy to talk and flirt too. But I knew that he wouldn't go as far as sleeping with her. He has gone into so much to achieve that very cross of path that he couldn't just blow his chance away once more.

"No he hasn't! She is just a friend for him but she looks through Renesmee' eyes as an unbeatable rival. She does look good!" he said. "Renesmee feared that he might never look at her like a woman. If only she knew how much she already drive him nuts." He laughed.

Listening to Renesmee insecurities, it reminded me of my own ones, years ago and I decided to share it with her when she would wake up.

* * *

How was it?I'm really interested about your opinions so let me know!


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